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Saturday, May 31, 2008

Work is not very good.. I had been dragging myself to work everyday (for the past 3 days)..
Of course, the colleagues there were nice, patient and helpful.. They will talk to me, ask me to feel at home and etc.. And i'm also trying to find more things to talk to them.. Haha.. But i'm not someone who can open up so fast.. And i dun know how to communicate with half-strangers-half-friends.. But i will try, will try harder, i promise..
The difficult part is the systems that they are using.. They are simply too confusing.. There are like hundreds and thousands of questions i want to ask, but my mentor seems busy, so i didnt want to disturb her.. The way she teach me is in a way, i feel not very organise (to me lah).. It's my problem i think, cos i'm a rather systematic person.. So, i hope people can teach me in a way where she can tell me the overall view, the general procedure and then go into each of them in details.. But the way she teach me is quite 'choppy', sometimes this thing then all of a sudden she skipped to other things.. It's making me really confusing.. But, she's really nice and patient (grateful and thankful).. =)
Of course i know that this job isnt going to be easy, if not they could just get a dip holder to do it.. But the point is, i hate this 'being unable to control things' feeling.. I know i should have more patient, but i hate myself for being so slow and stupid lah.. Aiya, very confusing.. But since i cant quit now, i will try to learn all the stuffs asap, like the job as much as i can and think as positive as i can.. =)
Ok, enough rantings and whining.. Shall stop here for now.. =(

*EDITED*
Was talking to one of friend on msn just now.. And wat he said kind of left me thinking and thinking.. We were talking about our new job then he said that i shouldnt have start work so fast.. Cos my last paper was like 8th May, which mean, i started work less that a month after my last paper.. He said that i didnt enjoy my last few moments as a student.. He said i am quite dumb to go into the 'adult world' so fast.. He said he didnt understand wat's the rush to start work so fast.. I told him my reasons and he said i should live my life for myself and not for others.. He said i cannot be so influence by people around me, cos ultimately it is me who is leading my own life, not those people.. Part of me agreed and now i feel a little messy and lost.. Hmmm, till now, i still feel very overwhelmed.. Like, i had made a mistake and taken the wrong steps..

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